I feel like I am at a weird spot in my life. I am in between changing my major, in between jobs I suppose (hopefully I find one soon), and without my other half. I feel like I am just wandering around with not much direction. In fact, I don’t think I have ever felt this way before. I’ve always been go, go, go. Maybe this is God trying to tell me something, maybe I just need to slow down.
Slowing down is not an easy thing for me to do. Just being, is not an easy thing for me to do. But I think I am slowly learning.
I have this mindset to where if I am not doing something I am being unproductive. I think a lot of our society thinks this way, hence the fast food etc. I just need to keep realizing that not doing something every once in a while is really OK. This past year has probably been the most stressful year of my life. I need to look at this time as a gift.
I moved home to go to school, I had a brain tumor scare, I was in a really scary car accident, I developed major anxiety problems, I didn’t get into my career choice program for school (only falling short by 16 places), I had to quit a job due to changing rules for sales, I found a new job that I loved and was then fired for no real reason, my boyfriend of 5 years graduated college and moved away to his new job, I felt a call on my heart to serve in full time ministry for the Lord (this was stressful because I had to get over what I wanted and figure all the logistics out). I am realizing that I am not in control. Who would have thought it would have taken me to go through all these things to realize that this is what God was trying to tell me??? I feel like hitting myself in the head, how could I be so dumb?!
Probably a lot of people in my life didn’t even realize all of this was going on, SURPRISE! I can keep up pretty good appearances. But in the end it is all a learning experience and I thank God for getting me through it all.
Now I am on to kind of a new chapter I guess. This coming Friday I go to register for classes at Spring Arbor University and I will move there in the fall and live on campus and be a full time student again. Meanwhile it is summer and I have no job. So I think this chapter is called New Rest.